Thanks for the reply. I think you may be right when you say we are on the same page. What you wrote about appreciating being listened to makes great sense to me. I have recently taught co-parenting and much of what we discus is communication. I spend more time presenting not on what one should say but rather on how one should listen.

I also agree with what you wrote about conversation. Those things have always come easy to me, but I do admit I am probably atypical in that regard. The things you describe are a struggle for many men. Still, there is wisdom in recommending discussing feelings and meaningful topics.

My earlier comment really only applies to people with long-term goals. Re-reading your site I see that this came from a request to address SJSU frat boys on being a better boyfriend. Even though the title implies a long-term concern, if that is your audience, I think it likely that there are more than a few among them who have some less than long-term goals regarding the fairer sex. The advice to continue those behaviours that please one’s (desired) partner is certainly good advice for them.

If I were to one day desire a partner, mine would be mostly long-term goals, I am sure. That likely colored my earlier response. What you write is obviously from the heart. Thank you for it.

Bill

I think it feels great when people pay attention. For example, if we hang out for coffee (whether it’s with a friend or a “friend”) and every time I order a soy latte with no whip. Then one day, the friend says “Go sit down, I’ll order”…but comes back with a double espresso, whole milk with whip. Yeah on the coffee getting, but “oh” on the order.

But when the friend sits down and presents me with my favorite soy latte, no whip…ah, I breath a sigh of relief. It’s relief that’s not just about the coffee getting, or about getting it “right”….here’s what it is…. I have been seen. I have been paid attention to.

That is a huge compliment! And it’s weird because the side effect is trust.
Your thoughts?
j.

Above you write that one should observe what pleases the other, memorize that and keep doing it. I’m paraphrasing. I disagree with this. I believe instead that one should do what comes naturally and honestly. To do otherwise is to pretend to be something one is not, unless those practiced actions do really become part of one’s nature.

I base my opinion on my own observations, and a sample size of just one, so take it for what it’s worth. That’s very little. I do appreciate you sharing your opinions. Keep it up.

Sincerely,

A first-time reader.

I think these are great questions to ask either before the first date or on a low key first date. I can’t speak for all women, but at the beginning, when my hormones are doing their thing…it’s hard to remember I had any other criteria then “gosh he’s cute and sexy”!

As for 420, check out http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=420%20friendly
Thanks!
Jenn